So I've always been about change. Every year, something always changes in my life. Either I move to another place, get another job, or quit one. Start another relationship, or end one. Like the inevitable death and taxes, the only other things that have stuck in my life are change and my kids. Oh, and adventure, of course.
I've been exploring and curious. I haven't found any job or any 'one' I would want to be stuck with. Okay. Maybe there IS someone but he's a pain in the butt (oh, you know you are).
But I definitely haven't found my career yet. And I don't think I'm due for a nice career package anyway. It's just not me. I'd just be happy involved in multiple projects while making money on the side. Big side money. Now wouldn't life be grand that way.
I am getting myself there. I actually have a clearer vision in my head. Before, I was swimming inside a fishbowl, looking out, up and down and around, not knowing what the hell to do next, which way to go. Now I'm floating, a bit more calm, not so panicky and desperate for an answer.
Someone told me last week (after warning me that he'd be blunt) that at this stage in my life and at my age, I should already know what I want and be doing it. I agree that that would be great. Just pretty fuckin' awesome if that were the case. But it's not. So it was just a nice little point-out (or a put-down?) that didn't help much since no suggestions or encouragement or support followed. It was like, "Hi. I think you're screwy. Have a nice day!"
But I was more amused than anything. Ignorant comments and actions do that to me sometimes - make me laugh. An ideal life happening with perfect timing just does not exist. To believe it does is just a set up for disappoint and guilt. And I don't think I'm up for that.
I'm up for learning and growth, simplicity and smelly kids. Freedom gained from financial stability and being with the right, respecting people are in the works, too.