But I've believed for a long time that I've always valued freedom. I've lived my life revolving around that belief, to the extent I haven't been "successful" in life, in the most acceptable way. No, I don't have much savings. I actually have more debt than savings. Just slightly. Even if you include all my assetts. Well, maybe not, I'm not sure. I do own a lot of books and too many funky electronic gadgets besides the normal ones people usually own. But they're so cool!
Maybe this is why my dad told me to change my lifestyle. But I still don't get that. I don't buy designer anything. I actually buy a lot of my stuff used, especially clothes. Or I get them second-hand from some sassy and fashionable chick who gained a bit of weight. Boo for them. Yay for me.
I don't own some flashy nice car. I have two. For now. And they're both dying. One's an '85 VW Scirocco and the other is a '92 Beemer coupe, exactly as old as my older daughter. And they're both POS's. This is what my ex-boyfriend mechanic used to call piece-of-shit cars. He'd literally chalk POS on the windshield as they came in, dying to be fixed. I thought that was so mean. But oh so funny.
So what the hell does my dad mean about me changing my lifestyle??? He visited me in California a couple of months ago and stayed for 3 weeks. I rented a 2-bedroom apartment in the East Bay around the San Francisco Bay Area. I was only paying $1100 a month on that. That's hella cheap (Yup, that's right, I said hella). You may be able to get a room (a room!) in San Francisco for that. I didn't eat out all the time. My kids went to public schools. I don't even wear makeup, for crying out loud.
Maybe he was talking about the iPad I just bought. But fuck it! My last personal computer I bought cost less than $500 3 years ago! And the one prior to that was another 4 years before.
What the heck does he want from me? I'm afraid to ask. Actually, to ask was a quick passing thought the moment after he gave this wonderful advice. But I just started my first drink during my sister's birthday party at her house, and my brain was already slow to get all fucking mad and aggro on him. Thank you, vodka. And I guess this little all-knowing voice in my head knew anyway that I never get anywhere with my dad whether I react or not. Thank you, little voice in my head.
But know I'm racking my brain about what the hell he meant by that. I think he wants to me to be like him. Or at least NOT ME. Which will never happen. Because I just realized I have another value besides freedom - UN-BOREDOM.
So help me god.